Miss you brother

10 years ago today, my brother passed away and I just had some things running deep through me that I wanted to put out there:

Bruce, it’s so hard to believe it was 10 years ago today that you passed from this life to the next. If I could, I’d tell you one more time that I love you and how much I appreciated what a great big brother you were to me. Of all my siblings I was definitely closest to you. I remember going home and crying after your funeral when your co-worker from the dairy told me, “Oh you’re the one from Chicago, oh he really loved you, he liked you best. He talked about you all the time.”

Like me, you were very sensitive and tender hearted; you wore your heart on your sleeve. We were both left-handed, struggled at geometry, loved being frugal, had a penchant for drawing, loved Rich Mullin’s music; it seemed we had so much in common. I loved coming over to baby-sit for you & Diane. I enjoyed spending time talking to you about anything and everything. I miss your guitar playing, our monthly phone conversations and the guidance and direction you imparted into my newly married relationship. I always admired how much you loved your kids and Diane. I remember thinking I want my family to be just like your's.

I remember how you would give everyone Christmas gifts even when money was extremely tight, usually something you had made; a part of your heart. When we were kids, you gave me a set of plastic horses that I LOVED, you used your own money to buy them for me. You were quick to give of yourself, whether it was volunteering on the fire department or at your church, or helping re-roof my house or put in our new fence.

You always had a jillion Robert’s Dairy misprinted containers you were quick to hand out for gardening or other projects. I remember too all the random stuff you collected for future projects. Too bad Craigslist didn’t exist then; you would have loved it! Your house remodel was pretty impressive, loved the kitchen you redid, it was gorgeous. You had a lot of talent that way; you were the original Tim-the-tool-man, with all the grunts and sound effects included.

I’m thankful that you taught me how to draw. Although I never got as good as you, it is a part of you that I will always carry with me. I am also thankful that I got to come visit you and spend time with you just weeks before you passed away. I remember the last walk we took together, talking about God, the Bible and just stuff. I found it neat that when you passed away, your bible was found open on the kitchen counter to the very passage we had been talking about on our walk. I remember talking about experiencing God and how impressed we were with how wide, how deep, how great is God’s love for us.

You’d be proud of your kids; they have grown up into fine young adults. Christopher sounds just like you, he looks a lot like you too, so does Ben. Your girls are sweet young women, you’d be proud.

So much has transpired in the last 10 years, it seems hard to believe it hasn’t been longer. It seems, at times, like that was an entirely different life. I still have a hard time visiting your grave site when I visit back home. I remember you so full of life, it is hard for me to go there and just see a stone. But you do live on in the lives and hearts of so many people. I have great joy that I got to spend time with you and be a part of your life and have you a part of mine. I guess I’m most joyful that you had a strong relationship with God and because of that, this is not the end.

I miss you and love you brother.

Ephesians 3:17&18
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.